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Dark Egowelcome....an insight to the dark side of me
August 28 the beginning of the endA cliche once so scorned by me,
I now dread to experience first hand.
For it is looming with a sense of melancholy,
To pry me away from you, friend.
The end is nigh, we know, hence we sigh.
For half a decade we spent side by side,
Experiences new and old, low and high.
A part of us, never to be parted, never can be pried.
Know you well, know you not,
Still of great value you are to me.
Never a greater entity existed to be sought,
Who can appreciate you for all your glory? I, I can see.
Do impart a piece of you in this for memories preserved.
Let our bond be welded, never broken, friends well deserved. July 02 Life-changeswow, i havent been blogging 4 SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long!
wait, i think its SOSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
:ahem:SSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO:breathe:
SSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long.
yerp, that pretty puts it into perspective......
wow, its already 7 wonderful months back among my friends in
CHS. u mite think its overrated, but try picturing yourself in a desolate
town.with 2 malls. and pp; who speak chinese.who totally DO NOT
understand you....
i mean, come on! seriously,
there's a girl here who has been deprived of
1. a social life
2.best friends
3. a proper education
for TWO WHOLE YEARS!!!
you can't just say sorry and make it all better!!!
that's why i'm feeling down.
down down down down down down down
DOWN
all my friends have moved on without me, leaving me to
"bite their dust"
they have:
1. matured
2. gotten BFFs
3. and formed cliques with them
4. gotten new wardrobes
5. grown into their bodies
6. accomplished something
7. grown closer with one another, or
8. drifted apart
9. shared totally indescribable experiences together
10. forgotten that i exist and have feelings too,
that i once was there for them, stood up for them,
supported them, cheered them on, that i want to belong again,
that somehow, by not being with them in person, i wasnt with them in spirit.
they seem to have neglected the fact that when i left, i left my soul behind.
it has been stolen, abused, and now, thrown aside. they dont seem to see me
as anybody, like i deserted them, as if i had A CHOICE. now i have no one.
should i even have returned?
i know, that i may seem heartless, but i am not.
i am, after all, human.
i miss their love and support, their company, their laughter, their voices,
I MISS THEM.
why, Lord, dost thou test me so?
end my life, Father, for i fear i am not strong enough for this.
what is it You have in store for me,
that i have to endure this internal anguish?
somebody save me. i cannot do this a lone.
signed,
torn November 25 sigh. you dont know how much it hurts.......:(it hurts cos:
i left my frens in PJ
i suffered not being with them while i was in kuatan
i am moving back, and i have to readjust
i missed out on tons of experiences with them
now THAT'S the simple truth September 20 Too much knowledge?Is there such a thing as too much knowledge?
Well, even if there isn't, I sure can't absorb knowledge
the same way a computer downloads and saves
a document.
Crap. That's wat i feel like.
Today, i had to rush thru SO much overdue
homework. And today ALL the teachers came in to teach.
Watssup? Scared not yet finish the syllabus izzit?
Damn lah. Right now, addmaths we're doing differentiation.
Damn a lot of formulas. And oso today got BC test.
My BC sux lyk shit onli lah.
Suffering from headache, brain clog or something.
Dunno how to study for the final exam lah, less than 1 month away........
September 02 waddaya think?LOL
how are my writing skills?
not that i ever experience anything i write about.....
i just think that being able to put yourself
into another persons' shoes is the marked
sign of a good writer.
;> PEACE!
(i might as well not have asked anyone's opinion,
seeing as hardly anyone ever comments! ...;(...) What Might've Beenhave you ever wondered ,
should I go up to my crush,
will he/she notice me?
but you stop yourself:
what if I embarass myself?
and the day passes by.....
at home,
you beat yourself up.
because you suddenly thought of something really
smart to say to your crush,
and you spend the day in depression.
have you ever had to hurt the person you love,
just so you won't get hurt by him/her?
even though what they say isn't half as bad as the insults
you encounter every day,
but you just can't stand your loved one to point it out,
because you don't want them to notice the flaws in you.
but when you are home,
you recall the hurt on their face.
shouldn't you have thought of this before? :
only someone who loves you as much as you love them would
be willing to sacrifice their time to notice you,
to remember the problems you face,
to point it out to you l8r,
so maybe you could improve your life?
only someone who loves you as much as you love them would
keep coming back to you,
even after you hurt them over and over again,
because you're afraid that they would not return your love?
only someone who loves you as much as you love them would
take the time to ask about your day,
to take even the most trival details into account,
and laugh along with you upon reflection.
only someone who loves you as much as you love them would
do the sweetest things for you,
and you would notice, because your heart would flutter,
and your stomach would develop millions of rainbow butterflies,
and you would tremble as your loved one is doing those
sweet things for you.
only someone who loved you as much as you loved them would
stare deeply and lovingly into your eyes,
and you would feel the chemistry,
because you know that you just wouldn't experience it elsewhere.
only someone who loved you as much as you loved them would
never ever again look into your eyes again,
after they have loved you with all their heart,
and you rejected them,
because you didn't know that they loved you too,
of course you felt it,
but there was always doubt,
because neither had the stinking guts to make the first move.
only someone who loved you as much as you loved them would
make you want to write a 56 line long piece
and post it online for the whole world to read about your pain,
all the time thinking about what might've been July 01 Goldn Jubileedammit!!!!
it's saturday, 1/7/2006
and i'm STUCK here in ktn!!!!
i HATE it HERE!!!!
CHS is celebrating i's 50th ulang tahun wif
a carnival thingy and I'M MISSING OUT!!!!
this SUCKS SO BAD!!!
June 29 Blogginghey.....
like so long nv blog edi....
cos school work has gotten heavier TENFOLD!
so, like
all these projects, folios, activities, homework, groupwork, tuition.,
revision, competitions ALL PILE UP!!!
SOMUCH!!!
so, like, now still got a LOT of homeworks.
but, a gal has gotta chill, rite?
sighzzzz, like, crushing on
someone rite now,
just so u noe.
but nothing big la, yo?
missin my CHS peeps.
especially the Ulang Tahun ke-50,
AMND!
so like, life is passsing me by lo....
this year is going by so FAST,
maybe it's cos i think about
CHS ALL THE TIME!
not like i'm psyco or anything, rite?
but anyways, i REALLY wanna take SPM wif my friends la,
LOVE 'em, seriously.
oh, btw, i got no. 4 in the form for the mid-year, if any 1 cares
so, like that lah
sucky life.
ciaoz. May 02 HEY YOU! I've GOT SUMTIN' 2 TELL U!!!SIGH......
lately i've been thinking about life,,
putting it into perspective......
and i realised, that we're ALL gonna die....
maybe to meet again in the same place.....
meybe not :(
but hey, life on earth is part of a test,
that decides where we go in afterlife.....
(kinda like SPM, huh?)
but the one thing that we
have, had, & r still GOING to have,
is LOVE
so right here, i'm telling my pals,
or anyone out there who's reading this,
that I LOVE YOU,
cos life IS too short,
and i may be DEAD 2moro....
but at least i leave this message to be passed on.
so that some one out there,
who thinks life is worthless,
knows that even in my dying hours,
I THOUGHT OF YOU
&
I <3 U
because the world needs more LOVE,
even tho' it is boundless, free
ppl still won't share
so here i am. taking the lead:
PASS ON THE LOVE March 29 this is YOUR life!!@#$%~^&*()_+|....
yea....
those symbols...
foul wurds......
couldn' express myself properly....
so: read da signs....
well,
i DID plan F4 2 b my most active year, so that dunneed
to think about Gerko marks next year........
WELL
u noe wat they say...:
be careful wat u wish for....
i noe i wasn't =.=
so NOW:
i have 1. English Debate
2. BM Debate
3. Scrabble
4. Public Speaking
5. da Dublin literary-award Essay thingy.....
SIGH...
good news: most of them over d, or else not entering
bad news: lost all that i entered >.>
swt... March 12 on Public humiliationok....
so u see,
i went for some lousy Public Speaking Competition,
and SCREWED it!!!
so i'm kinda in a state of depressed denial now,
cos i didn't even get a freaking cert.
just so u noe... February 15 Decisions, Choices... HELP!!!hah, the day after Valentine's ...
when the Post Love Effect starts to sink in:
-some feel loved...
-some don't.
it's just a way of life,
u gotta accept it,
it all depends on ur luck,
or to be more technical about it,
ur attitude, ur frens, ur relationships, etc. etc.
well, here's MY PLE:
i feel more IN in kuantan,
more, NEEDED,
than i ever felt in CHS.
FREAKY,huh?
well, i think so too.
but i don't CLICK too well with THE CROWD here,
jus a few friends... u noe...a tiny CLIQUE, if u must,
(izzit spelled lyk that?)
but im in sync with the ENTIRE student bidy in CHS...
my theory is that,
the ppl here r more kind...
& uptight...
but the ppl in chs r a little less sensitive..
IM IN A DELIMMA! HELP!! February 12 Happy Valentine's Day!!!Well, it's THAT time of year again!
the one where people are supposed to tell people they love them.
So i tell MY friends I LOVE THEM!
it's NOT JUST about BF&GF THAT kinda thing y'noe?
so tell ur frens u love them,
make them feel special & loved. February 04 3nTR!nG @ state of DEPRESSIONmy life stinks, PERIOD.
is THAT a bold enough statement?
I don't think so,
so d'you get how bad i feel right now?
"GET THE PICTURE?"
P.S. Note the cold background,
with the solitary snowflake,
Yerp, that's me.....
January 29 Not so happy CNYsigh
the Chinese New Year
a time of joy, festivities,
giving, family
----not MY ELELMENT!!!
my current red packets add up 2 onli
rm 100 over
stingy relatives!!!
that's y i had 2 subject 2 gambling 4 that extra bit of cash.
ASSES
i feel so small, comparing my loot 2 others'
sigh,
someody save me!!!
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